I Have Decided to Write a Book.

I am Getting Started on a Book, on Overcoming Depression.  First One.  Yikes!

And I would appreciate any support you would like to offer.  No, not money. Just walking with me.  Maybe cheerleading. I’ve never done this before, always wanted to, always been afraid.  But now I have declared my intention and started.

Sometimes I feel excited and focused.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.  Usually I have butterflies in my stomach at the very IDEA.   There is so much to do, so much to  LEARN, about HOW to write a book.  Sometimes I feel I am being arrogant.  ”Who do you think you are, young lady?”  That was never an endorsement when I was growing up.

“Would anyone want to read it,” I ask myself, and even if someone would want to read it, I wonder,  even if they needed to read it and would benefit from the book, and “How would they find it?“   Especially the latter.  What if I wrote a book and no one read it?  Would it be worth it?

Still, I am a professional therapist (MSW) who myself went through years of deep depression…yes, even while I was helping other people… though I have left it far behind years ago.  I have a happy life now and I use many tools and practices to keep it that way.  I believe and hope that other people will benefit from my story and experiences.

So, I’ve started outlining the chapters and flushing out the flow and theme of the book.  I am using a notebook and I-Pad notes to myself to collect ideas and  quotes, write a research list,  write paragraphs here and there, and feeding it all into a master Word document under proposed chapter headings.   But you can see I am making the process up as I go along.  This is entirely new territory for me.

I’m having ideas, and barely visible corners of future ideas, at all hours.  Is that how it is for you when you start on something BIG? I have thought many times of several books I think I have in me that would help other people to chance the rapids of life.

What I have never done is actually decide to write one.  

I am 72 years old and I will never again be as young as I am today.  

The time is now.

When I was in the depths of despair (for at least20 years), and even more so in early recovery from that depression, I looked everywhere to find something that someone had written that really described the deep dark hole in which I had found myself, the grey fog that always seemed to whirl in front of me, the immobility, the shame, the gloom, the unworthiness, and how tricky the depression was in welling up in me unexpectedly and repeatedly.  Professionals wrote about it in sterile words that told me they had never been there.  I felt all alone with the experience, despite that I had a good therapist, despite I had friends, what I wanted was someone who UNDERSTOOD.  I had a friend once who told me, “You walk too close to the abyss.”  It was true, but surely there was someone who knew what that was like and had written about it?

I have 2 requests.

  1.  If you have written a book about anything, and you have written about writing it, I would love the links to your blogs or any pointers you would be willing to share.  If you learned something important about the process of writing the book, that would save me a little time (I’m not getting any younger here), I would really appreciate your help.
  2. If you have been seriously depressed, beyond blue, I would like know what you would  want to see in a book that would have helped YOU.  I waited to ask until I had a pretty  good idea of what I myself want to say, and I would SO appreciate your input and stories.

I only started blogging again a few weeks back, so not many people know me here.  If you know someone else, or have read a piece by someone else who had been deeply depressed, or suicidal even, as I was, or having  bizarre thoughts as I was,  I would appreciate you sending them my way.  I am trusting that the exactly perfect people will find me.  The link to my facebook blog-related page is in the right column of this page. It is about spiritual growth, not depression.
Please accept my gratitude in advance and my best wishes for your inner sunshine. Again, please contact me through my facebook page, which has been private until now.



2 thoughts on “I Have Decided to Write a Book.

    • Thanks, Nancy, I appreciate the support/ I’d love to talk writing for a few hours, that’d be wonderful. I don’t drive, maybe you would come up and hang out at Claire’s Cafe for a few hours sometime? Hugz back!


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