I had a whole post done a few hours back, nicely formatted and full of good thoughts, and I failed to save it. Was on the phone, accidentally deleted it. grrr.
That’s the story of my past few weeks in a nutshell. Fibroflare/pain all over, worst flare in years. Insomnia – what am I doing up at 3:30 in the morning? Brain fog. Flightiness. Fatigue. Writers block.
When I started freelancing earlier this year, I was excited to be working, I loved having my skills affirmed with great ratings and extra cash. But soon the deadlines and the amount of time I was spending researching, writing, editing, re-editing, cost this old lady too much. I’ll be 73 years old in 6 more weeks and I don’t DO deadlines very well. People expect you to be open for business 7 days a week and they have no respect for the time it takes to write a good article. Not anyone else’s fault but mine – after all, I was recruiting clients. And I have learned a lot over these months and 70 articles and 2 e-books.
Vacation time – but I had no time left for my own writing. I abandoned all of my blogs and my book and when I found extra time, I found that serious writing was the last thing I wanted to do. I could work on Facebook because I could share short ideas and photo-art (I did share some of that with you too just so you knew I was still alive and thinking of you) and it’s a different and very relaxing skill-set.
Finally, starting a few weeks ago, I hit a wall. A Fibro-wall. So I have declared a vacation. Don’t know if I’ll go back to it or just call it a step in my process. I can do voiceovers for extra cash for a whole lot less time and effort and then go back to enjoying my writing time. After all, until lately writing was like breathing. Now it’s become a chore. My God, it’s like chocolate becoming a chore.
Triggers – I am accepting hitting this wall as a message from Spirit to take stock. I have been building up resentment writing with excellence about things that don’t matter in terms of my life purpose or even my interests. Other people could as easily have written those pieces – about babies teething or the newest pro camcorder – but they can’t tell my story or share my experience, strength and hope with others. Still, honestly, as I write this, I am aware that when I had started writing about my past, I was triggered at times – and it scared me – I think that may be why I took this side road. I need to really think honestly about that process and how to share what I have learned in this life without being triggered. I do want to do an easier e-book on relationships first, having now written several for other people… a full-length BOOK seems like such a high mountain to climb.
And, I missed you, but I just did not have time to read your posts and I was so disappointed. So you can expect to see me in your comments again as I do a little catching up and I hope some of you will have conversations with me. I don’t drive (poor vision), so most of my social contact is online. That’s another reason I’m sure that I hit this wall. DH is very loving and supportive but no one human being can be expected to understand or resonate with all of you and I need the communityof beautiful souls that WP offers us.
This is a process, don’t know exactly how my life proceeds from here – except back in remission from fibromyalgia; she’s a hard taskmaster and has my full attention. Thanks for reading my message.