Freely forgive? I must be kidding, right? Do I understand what he/she/they took from you? Maybe not, but there are 30- and 40-year-ago hurts with tendrils into the present which can still push my buttons in a major way if I’m not careful – which is a red flag for me that I still have work to do to be truly free. It doesn’t happen in a day.
Yes, I understand pain. And grief. And anger. And rehearsing hurts and injustices and misunderstandings in my mind.
But I also understand that when you are holding on to a grievance, you are letting “them” keep taking away your joy – over and over and over again. If you truly want to heal, you must do this work. Your choice.
You can choose to stay stuck, but why?
I don’t know about you, but for me forgiveness doesn’t come that automatically and forgiveness has to be an active, conscious, daily practice as things come up in life.
I can be as self-righteous and defensive as anyone else, and sometimes I want to “get back at them” too. But does that get you where you need to go – or just make things worse and keep them ongoing? Remember the goal is Freedom and Happiness – and spiritual, emotional and physical wellness. Your forgiveness is not for THEM, it is for YOU, so you can cut through the chains of bitterness that hold you back from being all you can be.
You can set appropriate boundaries and still forgive people…in fact healthy boundaries are not only your right but an important part of your self-care.
Seething and brooding are not boundaries though, quite the opposite – they poison your system and keep you chained to that person, event or circumstance long after everyone else is off having fun.
Could you have adopted the injury as part of your identity? Who could you be if you were free? Someday soon that button can be gone…it will no longer trigger this kind of pain – and then you will have truly healed.
If freedom, joy and peace of mind are what you want, you need to look at everything that has caused you pain in your past as a challenge designed for your greater growth – or else a door that was not meant for you – people do it all the time when there isn’t “someone to blame.” Give up the blaming. It keeps you stuck where you don’t want to be.
You very likely have many wonderful blessings in your life, like I do, that you would be without had you not had those losses/grievances/challenges to overcome. Your path took a fork at that point in the road is all – appreciate your path with gratitude – and let your gifts flow as blessings to the world.
If you had understood all that you would gain from overcoming the painful experience, the strength you have today, the freedom, the resilience, the gifts you bring to the world, the things that fill your heart with love and joy, you could not have been offended.
Seeing yourself as a victim steals your power and vitality, stifles your imagination and creativity and limits your possibilities. You can choose instead freedom and happiness, peace and love, energy, joy, success, self-confidence, and EMPOWERMENT.
How about it?
If you want your freedom and joy, you must say, with feeling and intention, “All that has ever offended me, I freely forgive.” You can even use it as a mantra in meditation and just let the images come up to be healed. It helps me to have a something to do instead. I send blessings.
“All that has ever offended me, I freely forgive.” “All that has ever offended me, I freely forgive.” “All that has ever offended me, I freely forgive.”