There were about 10 years as a teen and young adult when my depression manifested as not feeling anything but a vague sense of boredom. Even later suicidal depression was better than that – I had felt like I was locked in a prison. Though I didn’t function as well in the world after my hard shell cracked, I became open to relationships…and 15 years after that to a spiritual awakening in 12 step program – Al-Anon, I highly recommend it if someone else’s drinking seems to be ruining your life – and 15 years after that to treatment and real recovery from my depression.
When I was locked in that frozen cell, I did not experience contrasts like this – my sorrows were few but so were my joys. Life does balance out when you allow yourself to fully experience it, and the very painful losses I have indeed encountered have been balanced by joy, it is true. When I couldn’t feel the pain I could also not feel the joy. I like being fully alive better and Gibran reminds me of that when I am down.