Some things are hard to describe in words, but I will give it a try, because the notion of healing energy, Agape-Love, flowing OUT, instead of my looking everywhere for love to come IN, has been an important key to my recovery.
Here’s something I discovered. When I consciously let Love flow out from me, it rubbed off on me and I began to like myself.
During all those years I was depressed, I thought I was fatally flawed, unlovable, unlike other people, and my life did reflect that back to me. The more I thought I was flawed, the less skilled I became in managing my life. It was a downward spiral. Of course I am not (fatally flawed), but how was I to know that then? When people told me I needed to love myself more, I looked at them like they were from another planet? How on earth?
In 12-step meetings dealing with my panic responses to my husband’s binge- drinking (Al-Anon), I began to experience something truly new. No, it wasn’t the support of my new friends or the new coping tools, although I appreciated them – it was a new warm glow of non-specific outward-flowing Love within my heart as I listened to other people share, a flame, a Light.
It was indeed the experience of my heart opening with this kind of love that first led me to exploring the possibility of a Divine Power. I had been an atheist for 20 years. To me, it feels as though I draw that Love from a well deep within me. It seems like energy from another source flowing through me. Today I call myself a mystic because of it, one who experiences Divine Presence.
I experience this Love as without specific object, without expectation or conditions or attachment. I can and do direct this Love energy for blessings and healing. With this Love I bless even those who call themselves my enemy. In fact it was this practice of blessing people who had hurt me that opened my eyes to this working wonders in me. Can you feel how empowering that could be?
The funny thing is, the more I experimented with Loving and Blessing others in this way, the more I liked myself and the less I felt like a helpless victim of fate. This happened over years, not weeks, by the way – be patient.
One way to access this Love is though the Breathing and Smiling Meditation I posted some time back, but the daily practice of blessing your enemies, wishing for them every good thing you want for yourself, will also do the trick. The daily practice of gratitude and appreciation is another route, although for me that took longer. Acts of Kindness to strangers is another way that works.
Why do I share this with you? I want you to discover the power of Agape-Love to heal your own life…or at least to hold as a possibility that it could be true.
Namaste, I love you, feel my Blessing