You may have been wondering why I have been collecting all these “Season for Nonviolence” posts here. Maybe not, but I’ll tell you anyway. I made a commitment that this year I would post “something” for every one of the 64 peace principles for the Season for Nonviolence. As I followed this commitment, it all felt a little “beside the point” –not many were following them – and I started asking myself, “What do my readers really need from these principles?” What would bring them to life? That’s when I had the “aha!”
“Less fighting please, more sex.”
I should mention that loving your partner is a different thing than loving the relationship you have with them. That’s why I find requests every day in my inbox for coaching from people who want to save their relationship – they love each other but somehow the relationship has gotten off track. Resentments have built up – trust has been eroded – intimacy has lost its zing – communication has shut down – and the stresses of everyday life don’t help. People wonder if “this” is all they can expect from their relationship.
But what if there are some simple SKILLS that can be learned and practiced that could help people who are willing to learn to restore the love in their lives? What do we all want? As one couple put it, “Less fighting please and more sex.”
Think about it…More smiling , more appreciation, more caring, more creativity, more gratitude, more friendliness, more respect, more listening, more generosity, more forgiveness, more praise….on and on – 64 of them – these things can transform any relationship! You did them without thinking during your courtship. But the “without thinking”was the problem.
As I thought more deeply about it, I realized that these are skills I had never learned at home or in school. I had not seen them modeled in my family and I had not modeled them for my own children (now in their 40’s).They are not modeled in movies or on TV – at least past Sesame Street days – the exact opposite seems to be the case. So it’s no wonder half of all marriages end in divorce – three of my own have, I confess.
My present 20-year relationship is very different than those – much more caring and supportive, much more honest, much more FUN – could it be that I have been teaching these peace principles for 19 of those 20 years and something has worn off?
I think so. AND I think that other people can benefit from “practicing these principles” if they want to love their relationships as much as they love their partners. I guarantee I will write more on this subject.
I LOVE the LIGHT in YOU!