Good luck with that, Gerry! As it happens, I needed to see this again this morning. I actually shared the poster on Facebook on March 18.
A family member said something to me yesterday that left me feeling confused, defensive and sad. I didn’t sleep well and am still feeling sad this morning. Obviously, this particular mastery eluded me – I had taken personal offense.
It isn’t that easy sometimes to figure out what to own and what to discard – my awkward timing of an important request advocating some help for a third family member was my impulsivity rearing its head again. I’m afraid that my attempt to be helpful may backfire on that third person. But the real emotional “blow” that I am still breathing through today was that the person expressed outrage that I had asked at all. And I took that pushback in personally – rather than just witnessing it without resistance, breathing consciously and letting it flow through. I did do the breathing, but it was too late to help right then. My body was full of stress chemicals.
This quote from Echhart Tolle has really helped me this morning. Without judgment about me or anyone else, the reality is that this other person felt the need to tell me clearly that, in their mind, I was out of line in making this request. How I respond to that communication is on me and I will not be effective as long as I don’t just accept that he felt that need, with no inner “shoulds” from me. Feels much better.
My original goal was to obtain emotional assistance for a third family member. I wrote this morning to own my awkward communication, tell him I heard him and to ask that the issue not be about our strained relationship, but about what the third person needs. I succeeded in winning some help for that person and that’s what advocacy is about. That resolves the issue for now.
Sigh. The pain was because I have an unrealistic “should” about this relationship which I am working to release.
I LOVE the LIGHT in YOU (and, in ME and in THEM.)