Today’s a MUSING Kinda’ Day…

I’m a little stuck.

Have lost some zeal.

Discovered writing for others for money is hard work and doesn’t pay much, except good experience.  But it has also left me drained of creativity for my own writing.  And the book is looking like such a HUGE mountain to climb.

I wonder what made me think anyone would read it anyway?  How would they ever find it?

I wonder if I really have as much valuable experience to share as I thought?

Is it just an ego trip to think I know something everyone else doesn’t?

Feeling tired…well, feeling SEVENTY TWO.  I wish I had gotten motivated to write the book ten years ago, but then, what would I have missed?  And would I have been ready?

When I first retired, I was active in everything – politics – the arts – nonprofits – blogging elsewhere – and my life was a flurry of meetings, making new friends, doing stuff I hadn’t had time for.  And we still had 2 teenagers at home – my grandson and TDH’s son, same age. They’re 23 and 24 now, so they were 13 and 14 then.  Um… lotsa, LOTSA teen drama, but happy I was home to keep an eye on things, and felt anything but serene much of the time.

Now I remember why I never thought to write then.  So, that’s the first 5 years of retirement.

After they left home, the last 5 years, I have focused on music, on acting, on regaining my health (fibromyalgia had me almost crippled when I retired), on travel, on learning how to grow food, on growing spiritually.  Who would want to have lived a life where there had never been time for that?  And no, I was still not writing with authority.  I was not ready.

I still take the first few hours every day for spiritual practice, and of course the gardens need tending every day…

Have I ever told you what a treat it is to eat fresh veggies you grew yourself?

Maybe this afternoon I’ll have some energy to get back to that..BOOK.  I’m ready now, I do have something to share that could help someone else.  I’m just a little fatigued.

I told you, a musing kind of a post.